Newspaper journalists go the way of railroad engineers

With thousands of newspaper reporters and editors getting pink slips this summer, it’s time to think of the future for the once honorable profession. I predict that the practice of newspaper journalism will become a hobby for old timers.

They will form “guilds” and get together to discuss the days when they had a hand in bringing down presidents and most members of the Republican party. The fun they had trashing the military, mocking MBAs and smearing corporate CEOs — good times! Meanwhile, they helped rewrite history, making heroes of Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro.

Not unlike model railroad enthusiasts, retirees who waste away hours building mini cities with lichen evergreen trees and molded plastic mountains, old journos will have artifacts displayed around their rent-protected apartments, posters of Che, old typewriters, Green T-shirts, famous front pages of newspapers like “BUSH WINS!” printed before the Florida recount, they still don’t realize the headline was right, Bush did win and the Democrat party in Dade and Palm Beach counties tried to count bumps and chads as votes, while they discounted votes from resident military.

Former journalists will be semi-retired, working as greeters at Wal-Mart or sales associates at Borders Books. Those will be the better day jobs. Some will have blogs with readership in the dozens rather than tens of thousands they had in their hay days.

They can pretend to put out daily editions with DVDs playing classics like “The Front Page,” “All the President’s Men,” and episodes of “Lou Grant.”

Some will retain their journalist title by writing freelance for the local alternative press or if they are really good, the surviving monopoly big city newspaper that puts out a free tabloid addition once a week to augment its online daily edtions ‘Updated by the Minute’ will be one of their promotions.

“Pass me some prunes with sea grass, Debbie! Let’s write some sidebars on tips to avoid global warming.” “Wasn’t it grand that we saved Anwar from the gluttonous oil companies?” “Gas is $8 a gallon now as it is in Europe.” “America has finally matured.”

“I walk to the corner co-op for groceries anyway; that’s the way it should be.”

“I’m sure thankful Obama saved our Social Security…”

— Mick Gregory

5 thoughts on “Newspaper journalists go the way of railroad engineers

  1. Mick:

    What do I think?

    I think that you are right, yet again. You are not alone on this one though. You are part of an elite handful of soothsayers who have an uncanny ability to accurately predict the future. What we really need to know is where will the mindless-liberal Obama-nauts get their marching orders if the newspapers are out of business? Perhaps they can listen to NPR, or AIR AMERICA (did AA go out of buisness too?) At least now we know why the left hates capitalism and the free-market – they go out of business. Maybe Soros can run the newpapers at a loss for the next 20 years…

  2. What a bunch of B.S.!!! The U.S. economy goes into recession, headed for a depression, and all you Neo-Fascists can do is point a swastika-tattooed finger at Democrats! Have you been living in Limpbaugh’s keister? Who has been running this country into the ground for the last 7 years? BUSH!!!!! WHO lied this country into a war in Iraq? It wasn’t a Democrat—you bunch of horse’s asses. Who has given massive tax breaks to the last people who need them? Billionaires??? BUSH!!! Who got the most money for his 2000 campaign from ENRON—Ken Lay??? BUSH!!!! SO, numb skulls, what have you been drinking or smoking? Ronald McDonald Reagan—-Trickle-down economics—are you massive fruitcakes going to tell me and the world that Trickle-down did anything but make the ultra-rich even richer? What would you suggest? Maybe we should just give all of our money to the Bush-ites and pitch tents in the woods? Maybe we should all become slaves and go back to the days of the Robber-Barons and Plantation owners???? What is your I.Q.??? A negative number??? Tell you what—-turn off Limpbaugh (one of the most phony and pathetic drug-addicts on the planet) and Head-in-Fanny Hannity and “ex” drug addict / alcoholic Beck and FACE REALITY. My guess is that you fools live in the basements of your parents’ homes and (1) don’t work (2) live off your parents (3) think Hitler was right and (4) have a giant empty space between your ears. TELL YOU WHAT—volunteer to go to Iraq / Afghanistan and quit with the volcanic B.S. that continuously spews from your Neo-Nazi lips. AND, STOP REPEATING EVERYTHING THE NEO-GOEBBELS FOX (fake) “news” spews out of their keisters. THANK YOU in advance!!!

  3. Bob,
    You have to be a fat, brainwashed middleclass,

    privileged white, liberal a**hole. The Republicans are looking out for individual freedom; the Democrats are modern day communists using “global warming” as a scare tactic to tax and control America. You are a pathetic puppet. Shove it.

  4. Black Friday for newspapers:
    The shares of several newspaper companies crashed to the lowest point in modern history in what was the worst single trading day ever for the industry on Friday. Yes, worse than 1929.

    McClatchy (MNI), Lee Enterprises (LEE), and GateHouse Media (GHS) hit all-time lows when their shares skidded respectively to $4.85, $3.11 and $1.55 in the opening hours of trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

    Also hitting new lows today were:

    :: Gannett (GCI) at $17.42, the lowest point since 1990.

    :: Media General (MEG) at $10.34, the lowest point since 1994.

    :: New York Times Co. (NYT) at $13.03, the lowest point since 1996.

    :: News Corp. (NWS) at $14.20, the lowest point in 52 weeks.

    There may be a “dead cat bounce” Monday.

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